Why You Can't Seem to Find Yourself
In my teens and 20s I didn’t need to “find’ myself, because I knew who I was.
I was confident, successful, driven woman who didn’t question her wants and desires, and I certainly didn’t feel lost.
I had goals. I had a plan. I knew
Nevermind I didn’t question them because I never once CONSIDERED what I wanted and had become so entangled with being who society wanted me to be that I had no fucking clue who I actually was.
It wasn’t until I had everything I thought I wanted and I wasn’t fully satisfied that I knew something wasn’t adding up.
Maybe I wanted something different than I thought I wanted?
Maybe I was someone different than I thought I was?
Perhaps I had spent my most formative years rushing towards goals, looking to prove and accomplish, that I ever actually took the time to explore and know myself deeper?
I’ve spent the last 10+ years doing the work I missed in my younger years.
The last 5 years have been the most intense and powerful of all.
I can confidently say, I now fully know who I am, beyond a shadow of doubt.
I now know who I pretended to be (but never was).
I know who I aspired to be (but wasn’t).
I know who I actually am beyond that idealized version I chased for 3 decades (pretty amazing).
I’ve also helped dozens of women walk down this path and here’s what I’ve come to know about how a woman “finds herself”…
Who you “really are” isn’t someone you have to find, but discover.
She already exists, it’s just that you don’t know how to hear her, trust her, or bring her closer into your awareness because you’re too busy being who you think you need to be to succeed.
She’s screaming at you, trying to get your attention.
She shows up in the dark when you’re alone. When you’re too tired to try and hold together the facade.
She speaks to you through your desires (especially the ones you ignore).
She shows herself in the things and people that trigger you.
She speaks through your emotions.
She cries through your longing.
She yells through the anger you keep ignoring.
She’s trying to wake you up to the bullshit version of YOUR life you are living, because I don’t care how beautiful it is, if it’s not what you actually want, if ALL of who you are isn’t welcome in it, then it’s less than the life you deserve.
Everything (and boy do I mean everything) gets easier when you learn who you are, fully accept who you are, and learn to live YOUR life, full out.
Who you really are isn’t a destination. She is who you become in the journey of self discovery.
She is forged along the way.
The steps you must take MAKE you, reveal you, and show you who you really are.
You can’t sit around and “think” your way there.
You don't meet her on the mountain top moments of achievement.
You uncover her in the dark, in the depths of your fears, in the parts of yourself you want to change, and in your most beautiful broken places you hide from a world who is longing to see your imperfections.
She’s the woman you are afraid to unleash because she might wreck your life.
She’s the woman who is intolerant of the shit you’ve been tolerating.
She’s the woman who wants so much more than you feel worthy of.
She’s the woman who isn’t afraid of the things that keep you paralyzed.
If you meet her, and know her, you can’t un-hear her cries for more.
Which is truly why I think most women are terrified of peaking under the covers.
Most women are terrified to admit that the life they have is not the life they want.
Meeting who you really are is the most powerful, liberating, beautiful homecoming you didn’t know you needed.
You keep chasing that sense of acceptance, validation, and worth in external measures of success, but you won’t find it there.
It’s not success you are chasing…it’s to be known, if only to yourself.
And once you KNOW and SEE you, the world will too.
Not sure how? Considering joining enough…my new 6 week live program where I’m helping you say ENOUGH of the performative, proving, searching for all the wrong things in all the wrong places bullshit so you can get what you REALLY want, right now.
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